


toxic [ENG VERSION]

by piorunianrteci



Category: Psycho-Pass
Genre: Drunk Kisses, F/M, Falling In Love, Hate to Love, Idiots in Love, Kiss Kiss Fall in Love, Late Night Conversations, Love/Hate, gino being little softie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:21:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29308707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piorunianrteci/pseuds/piorunianrteci
Summary: ❝ a guy like you should wear a warning, it's dangerous, I'm falling ❞ as short story about how mika starts to see gino in a completely different way.
Relationships: Ginoza Nobuchika/Shimotsuki Mika
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	toxic [ENG VERSION]

**Author's Note:**

> recently I saw that a lot of people read the original version, written in Polish (and probably poorly translated by google), so I decided to translate this one-shot by myself and I really hope that I did it correctly and without stupid mistakes. as you'll see, I love writing long sentences, REALLY LONG SENTENCES, and at this point I just hope they keep their meaning, smh
> 
> if you spot any mistakes, let me know! and I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> (can't hide that I'm a little stressed, oh god!)

shimotsuki mika has always avoided trouble; she stayed away from shady company, alcohol-drenched parties, and all kinds of drugs that could cloud her apple of the eye – psycho-pass. it was impossible to hide, let alone deny that, both in reality and in the opinion of close and distant acquaintances, she was a walking perfectionist with even more sophisticated ideals. therefore there was no possibility, even the smallest and most inconspicuous, of anything that could disturb her color, mess with her head, and distract from resolves. that was what she wanted and desperately tried to tell herself, but the problems found her sooner than she could've imagined. 

_one damned big problem in particular._

from the very first day as a lady inspector of the first division, she decided not to enter into any unnecessary relations, avoiding redundant ballast and excessive annoyance. she had neither the time nor the urge to shorten the distance with anyone. and certainly not with _them –_ those nasty, tainted by crime and forbidden thoughts _enforcers_. although her contempt and dislike may have seemed inhuman, far too cruel, shimotsuki hardly bothered about it at all; after all, they were to blame for themselves, right? they were a rejection of an ideal society, defective individuals, disturbing peace and her private utopia disguised as the sybil system. 

they were the worst possible option, following a path from which there was no turning back. in her eyes, they weren't human, they were just hounds to get the job done at any cost. those damned _latent_ _criminals_ for whom there was no hope. and mika knew perfectly well that one should stay away from such _phenomena_.

therefore she couldn't understand neither herself, much less the whole messed up situation she was in. although she tried to avoid trouble, watching out for every red flag, dodging them like neo from bullets, this damned ginoza nobuchika became her biggest problem. and the hell she couldn't get _him_ out of her head. 

it was so absurd, obnoxious and annoying at the same time; as soon as the vision of his a little bit trenchant smirk and soft gaze flashed through her mind, mika felt like tearing her hair out of her head. for what sins and deeds it happened to _her?_ worse, all the signs in heaven and earth indicated that this was the worst possible choice. everything separated them. _literally_.

the twenty-three centimeters forcing her to foolishly lift her head to look at him; making her feel so tiny and... safe at the moments when he stood by her?

these damned positions; after all, she was the inspector, she had her entire future ahead of her, and at the same time he... was an enforcer with a ballast heavier than anyone she knew. and then, this fucking cherry of top.

they were twelve years apart. 

bloody twelve years and because of them she was probably just the usual brat in his emerald eyes. and the thought haunted her, though she would sooner be prefer cut herself into pieces than admit it to anyone. for crying out loud, she didn't want to be a child or an overgrown teenager. she wanted him to see more in her. see her as boss, partner, and above all a woman.

and when she thought she had achieved relative peace, found her safe distance, hiding behind a desk piled high with papers and piles of folders, this one action came. and one moment that made the whole resolve to bite the dust. 

in an instant, as if in slow motion, she saw something enormous in the corner of her eye, flying towards her; she heard a man scream through the haze, choked with terror, and a second later she lay in his arms. she was stunned, surprised, and utterly ashamed of what had happened; she could feel his warm breath, the soft material of a sand-colored coat under her cheek, a man's hand protecting her head from hitting the ground, and that perfume – so tempting, with a heavy oriental note, perfectly defining _his_ twisted person. she would've swear blind that the nobuchika's heart was pounded madly somewhere under the breastbone, and she wished it would be more than worry and fear. she wanted him to react to her closeness the same way she reacted to him. and though she should say thank you right away, she didn't dare to meet his eyes; she broke free from his grip without a word.

however, she couldn't forget it. and most of all, she _did not want to_. and she knew she was exposing herself, mindlessly asking for trouble by going directly to the lion's den, though she felt she had to. she had to thank him in the right way. 

× × ×

"inspector shimotsuki?" ginoza was undoubtedly surprised by her presence, especially at friday night. mika expected such time to be a dubious idea to visit, but she couldn't drag it off any longer. after all, she wasn't _that kind of person –_ a fearful loser, running away from the inevitable. therefore, not wanting to waste any more time, she nodded shyly, holding back all the excess of thoughts and feelings that filled her body.

"i'm sorry for the time, i'm just for a moment" she muttered, putting that unruly strand behind her ear, which had somehow slipped out of a tall pony, and literally a dozen seconds later mika was sitting on one of the two black leather sofas in his modest, exquisite apartment. 

ginoza took a seat directly across from her, perfidiously glaring at her with emerald irises. she would have been lying if she had said that it wasn't hard for her to remain calm; it was such a hassle, not to bend your lips in a smile, not to blush at the sight of a brunet in such an informal version. shimotsuki usually saw him with a tie, a white shirt, and that well-cut suit and sand-colored coat that completed the whole composition. this time, however, he was wearing a black, loose-fitting t-shirt, whose boat neckline revealed clearly defined collarbones. and the fact that he had rolled up the sleeves distracted her even more. she couldn't control herself, glancing every now and then at the shapely, muscular arms that tightened with every of his movements. it was also the first time she had ever seen his classic metal prosthesis in its entirety replacing his left arm, and though her mind was full of questions, she didn't think it was a good time to ask any questions. 

"would you like something to drink?" although the question was clearly heard in the gino's voice, he didn't even wait for mika's answer. he stood up, then took the amber alcohol and two glasses out of the bar, which after a while clapped against the wooden top of the rectangular coffee table. shimotsuki tried to wriggle, knowing too well that the war of hormones in her head plus any dose of ethanol would be a terrible combination, but nobuchika didn't seem to listen to her. ignoring all the woman's words, he poured a large amount, then with a cheeky smirk he pushed the glass towards her.

"you dared to cross the threshold of this hole, this is a unique opportunity, _inspector_ " _._

not only amusement danced in tone of his voice, but also that perceptible hint of bite that she had grown used to in the last few months. he was just like that; though his emerald eyes twinkled with concern, his mouth was twisted into a mean smile just to throw her off balance. he could be a guardian angel at the same time, protecting against all the filthiness of reality, against dirt and everyday dullness. and in the next moment transforming into this personification of a demon. a _goddamn sexy_ demon. 

"so why did you come?" he asked, taking a sip, then rested cheek on his hand and fixed that piercing gaze on her again. his long ebony hair was tied in a ponytail as usual, and only a single strand fell over his pale, parchment-like skin. mika really didn't want to study his face. for pity's sake, she shouldn't have done that, and certainly not at this point, but she couldn't take her eyes off him. in this warm, slightly hazy light he looked even more handsome than usual. and his ubiquitous smell, which had soaked not only her clothes, but most of all her mind, intoxicated her with each passing moment more and more effectively than the ethanol contained in the amber liquid. 

"i wanted to say thank you" she said confidently, but as soon as she saw his pupils dilate in surprise and his lips twist into an even wider smile, all courage evaporated, leaving her so hopelessly ashamed. without a moment's thought, she reached for her glass and quickly regretted it; an unpleasant, stinging sensation ate through her esophagus, making her cheeks flush even more. 

_goddamn ginoza._

"thank me?" he asked, and the unawareness written on the long face only confirmed her suspicions. he had no idea what she was talking about. she sighed heavily, rubbing her face with small hand. 

" _for that_ " she said emphatically, but nobuchika's face didn't change at all, and mika began to seriously consider the option that this nasty enforcer brazenly screwing her on. nevertheless, shimotsuki decided to continue:

"for saving from the drone. i hadn't had time to do it then, and i didn't want to leave you just with my ungrateful scream". 

"you scream so much that i didn't even notice, inspector shimotsuki" the man waved his hand, giving her that delightful smile and gently closing his eyes. why? why did he have to be so ghastly handsome and charming in those everyday, inconspicuous gestures and movements? 

mika felt that she was out of breath, her heart began to beat faster and faster, pumping blood so fast that its noise took her senseless. the effects of drunk alcohol slowly began to reach her, creating an even more hazy image, obscured by a whole palette of delight.

"while you're here, i'd like to discuss something with you". 

before she realized, ginoza was sitting right next to her; his knee was gently touching her thigh, so non-pushy he was leaning towards her, pointing with his long, slim fingers at specific fragments of the testimony. only now she noticed how slender and large his hands were, and when the contours of blue veins loomed on top of them, she held her breath involuntarily. was it some kind of torture? 

"these two parts do not stick together at all" he tapped first on one sheet, then on the other, and looked at shimotsuki. the distance between them was dangerously short. so short, tempting to do _something stupid._

"are you so old bore that on friday night you take care of the case?" mika snorted bitterly as she tried to escape the awkward situation. ginoza rolled his eyes, combed his loose strands nonchalantly, and then sighed heavily, shaking his head in amusement. 

"do you have any other idea how to spend time in this den?" 

"you could have asked inspector tsunemori to come with you to the bar. you should move these rotten bones a little".

she didn't understand why she had to put so much venom into it herself when she mentioned the akane. she knew that their better contacts resulted from working together, as well as from several traumas, the biggest of which was the whole _kougami._

"akane certainly has better activities than taking a hound for a walk" he muttered casually, and a second later a cheeky smile appeared on his face. she saw that damn gleam in the green irises and knew it was no good sign.

"in fact, why don't we go now?" he asked, so blatantly, naturally, as if it were one of their daily rituals. not even his eyelid trembled as he looked at her, he brazenly surveyed the surprise written in the expressions of her face. she should laugh at him. tell him to knock the center of his forehead with that metal prosthesis, but instead she smiled slightly and said without hesitation.

"you'll definitely need a little socialization because in other case you'll go crazy in this hole" her voice was surprisingly friendly, with no hidden malice. "and we can't afford to lose so talented detectives". 

he widened his pupils in surprise, drank the last of the alcohol and set the glass down on the table with a slight crack. he looked at her without hiding a smile, then asked with that cheeky note in his tone.

"are you just praising me, shimotsuki? "

she menacingly narrowed her eyes, crossed her arms over her chest, then growled warningly to the accompaniment of his _cute_ laughter.

"oh, just shut up, enforcer ginoza!"

× × ×

"must you have been quite popular in high school?" she asked, sipping a colorful drink through her glass of fancy-shaped straw. 

usually she didn't consume alcohol, and certainly not in such a quantity, so she began to feel its effects quite quickly. the whole world around her was dangerously blurry, shrouded in intoxicated mist, and she had feeling that the long, carefully built wall was starting to crumble with every second. the neon lights teased her sensitive eyes, the rhythmic music rumbled in her ears, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from that one person. 

from _him_. 

sitting so nonchalantly, with a curious expression on his face, watching the new and strange world from which he was excluded. 

she rested her elbows on the top of the black table, leaning even more towards him. mika could've cut her hand that it was the alcohol that must have disturbed her perception of reality. and this damned atmosphere that prevailed in the bar. in this filled with cigarette-smoked room, in this play of lights flickering across his pale complexion, he looked even more mature and dignified than usual. he was dressed in that formal way again; a white shirt tucked under a black jacket, a well-cut suit, and a tie of the same color that was tempting to grab him and then stick her lips into his. so narrow, chapped lips.

as soon as she caught herself on this absurd thought, so detached from rational reasoning, she had to take another sip of a sweet, percentage drink just to drown that feeling of embarrassment. what a bloody nonsense.

"not really" he admitted bluntly, shrugging. mika shifted on the soft emerald seat, looking at him curiously. after all, he had to lie through his teeth; since they entered the room, all the women had been follow him with their lustful glances. she saw it; she saw them staring at him, staring greedily at his sharp jawline, slender neck, and pronounced cheekbones. they shamelessly surveyed him from top to bottom, sending the lascivious smiles, which he so brazenly ignored. it was hardly surprising, though the pathetic and painfully obvious behavior was on her nerves. and mika really didn't want to admit this, but with each such look, she felt more stabs somewhere under her ribs. 

how could a _guy like this_ not be popular?

"are you kidding me?" 

she asked incredulously, with a slight mockery in her voice, and ginoza just shook his head.

"the enforcer's son's not a very good candidate, don't you think?" though his face remained impassive, and his tone equally amused and calm, mikaa felt an unpleasant tug somewhere in the stomach and regretted her behavior right away. in the nobuchika's eyes she saw that piercing sadness, unspeakable regret that must have been hidden in his heart. she swallowed saliva loudly; she was sure embarrassment bloomed on her cheeks and she wanted to collapse into the ground. disappear, dematerialize, so as not to look at the emerald of irises, reflecting bitterness. 

"they bullied you about it?" she muttered, staring at her almond-shaped nails. the man snorted; a bit with mockery and a bit with genuine amusement.

"i think that's quite good euphemism" nobuchika said, tilting his head to the side and follow his gaze around the room. he jumped from face to face, analyzing human behavior and facial expressions, just to escape those brown eyes that looked at him with unspeakable emotion. "hardly anyone wants to be friends with someone who has a latent criminal in their family. even if it doesn't matter. i think, you can understand it very well?"

looking at his blasé face, which was devoid of all emotions, she was ashamed. shame that she could understand and justify their approach. that she would probably do the same to protect her psycho-pass. and suddenly mika felt a disgust she couldn't explain. 

"exactly" he gave her a bitter smile, then took a sip of his burgundy drink and sighed heavily. "i would probably be even more fucked, but kougami was interceding again and again".

gratitude flickered in his eyes; he looked like he was somewhere away in his mind, again during those high school days, and mika felt like she didn't see that _goddamn ginoza anymore._

 _he wasn't_ anymore the enforcer, the hound, the beast to pursue other beasts. she saw him as this persecuted boy marked with something that was not dependent on him; so lost in anger and bitterness, so hurt and lonely. and for the first time she felt the whole worldview she had built, which she had cultivated for so many years, collapsed like a house of cards. she wanted to believe that it was so easy to draw a line between people and enforcers; that she could dehumanize them, cross them like a wrong equation, compare them only to _individuals_ , designed to eliminate other criminals. she wanted to believe that this division was correct –after all, they were to blame for themselves, they themselves led to the cloudy shade. but when she looked at ginoza, at this _man_ – so hurt, so experienced and utterly devastated – nothing made sense. no division, no separation of _the good and the bad._ because he had no choice, because he hadn't done anything wrong; he just had this damn bad luck. cruel bad luck. 

ginoza had experienced a painful loss, his father's death before his eyes, and had to live with guilt, revenge, and anger that had led him down this path. the path of a latent criminal.

and mika knew she was _fucking wrong_. she had spent her whole life making erroneous theses, in thoughtlessly and inhumanly justifying them. because she forgot that among the bad guys, the ones she wanted to cross, there were also people like _him_. 

people she couldn't judge from that fucking simplistic prism. and then her world collapsed for the first time.

shimotsuki sensed that this might be the wrong time for any questions, and above all for _such questions_ , but on the other hand... if not now, then when? she bit the inside of her cheek as she ran her fingers through her auburn hair and looked shyly at the man. 

"what was he like?" she asked in one breath, taking advantage of this sudden surge of courage. nobuchika gave her a look full of unawareness, as if she had pulled him out of a strange lethargy. he rubbed his eyes with his hand, then muttered.

"who? kougami or my dad?" 

shimotsuki wanted to say something, but froze halfway, opening her mouth without any words escaping. it took a few seconds analyzing his question to say that she intended to take the opportunity to the utmost. 

"tell me about both" she smiled, taking another sip of the sweet ethanol drink, then crossed her legs and rested her elbow on the table again. gino sighed heavily, and the expression on his face indicated that he had to look for the right way to put his thoughts into words. nobuchika looked somewhere above her, his eyes wandering at the neon lights emitted just behind woman's petit back, and then he rested his cheek on his hand, further shortening the distance between them. 

"kou was just different" he said finally, and mika felt quite a disappointment. waiting so much to hear three words? it must have been some kind of joke. she was about to launch a whole avalanche of questions, without respecting etiquette and whether it should be appropriate, but ginoza was faster. the moment he joined their gazes, staring deeply into her chocolate irises, he curled his lips into a smile and continued.

"he always respected the system, following his ideals, but in all this he remained rational. he wasn't stressed by the shade, accepting the world as it is" he paused for a moment, but didn't take his eyes off her for a moment. "now i think the kou was just brave, didn't hide behind stupid beliefs and didn't take the easy way dividing people through the prism of the crime coefficient". 

at these few words, she blushed involuntarily, feeling quite ashamed. although she knew it wasn't meant to be a deliberate brickbrat, she couldn't pass by indifferently. especially now that she finally saw her mistakes and childish attitude. 

"and your dad?" she asked uncertainly, in such a low tone as if she was afraid she would wake up his sleeping demons. she didn't want to go beyond boundaries, to scratch wounds and pick at them with a fork of curiosity, but she really wanted to get to know him a little better. and from this different, unusual perspective. she wanted to see him as a man, a man who had his scars, his burden and a whole bunch of phobias; want rediscover him in this totally exciting way. 

"he was, first of all, a great detective" although he tried to make his voice sound natural, she immediately caught the choked emotion. he escaped from her gaze, and mika knew it hurt. must have fucking hurt. he curved his lips in a sad smile, and his emerald eyes sparkled with a whole palette of bitterness. she felt her stomach tighten into a knot, each organ contracted as if squeezed by a mechanical press, and she herself regretted more and more that she had drawn this unpleasant topic. 

"and he was a fucking good father" he added, and as soon as she heard that excruciatingly painful note, piercing to the marrow, she stretched out her hand without hesitation and took his. she didn't think about what she was doing; it was a reflex, something so obvious and natural to show support and comfort. to help in this hell of memories and remorse. he wasn't surprised by the woman's touch; he didn't shake her away, he didn't move, nor did he pull away. so freely he laced their fingers together, his thumb tracing the soft and smooth skin of his hand. and when he looked at her, she saw the gratitude in his eyes. and she ran out of breath.

"you better tell me something, because i look like a depressive bore" he smiled softly and only then she realized what she had done. in horror and embarrassment, she tore her hand away, feeling the heat of it hit her cheeks, flood her neck and cleavage. for pity what is she doing?

"looking at your hopeless state, i think it's time to go back, _old man_ " she tried to mock him, to hide her infatuation behind a mask of anger, but she couldn't. instead of growling, her tone came out soft, and she topped it all off with that silly smile.

she knew. she knew a thousand percent that tomorrow morning she wouldn't be able to face herself.

× × ×

with the clock pointing well past two, they both decided it was high time to go back. 

the atmosphere in the car was incredibly dense and tense; mika felt as if the temperature was rising with each passing second, though outside it was rainy february. to make matters worse, it was incredibly stuffy, which shimotsuki felt on her cheeks. she was sure they must have bloomed with enormous blushes that flooded her cleavage as well. she glanced at gino out of the corner of her eye; he stared somewhere far away, watching the illuminated skyscrapers with an impassive expression. multi-colored neon signs and holograms flickered across his face, changing shades like a kaleidoscope, and she felt as if she was witnessing some magical performance. there was something unique and incredibly charming about it; those shimmering colors, dancing on his porcelain skin, adorning him like grotesque precious stones. 

she quickly looked away, chiding herself once more. she couldn't stare so brazenly, she shouldn't have looked in his direction at all. she was still embarrassed by her moment of weakness, this pathetic grasp of the hand; after all, she wasn't that soft. so obvious and hopelessly predictable. she crossed her arms over her chest, thanking her for not having to focus her thoughts on driving, for she was sure it would lead to an accident. 

she didn't know how to act herself, so she did what first came to mind. without thinking she blurted out what rested on the tip of her tongue.

"automatic cars, however, are an incredible convenience of our time" she paused for a moment, but nobuchika only gave her a slight smile. maybe it was fatigue that made him so reticent? or maybe he was thinking back to those painful moments that she had presumptuously rummaged through? not knowing how to act, she continued as if nothing had happened.

"that's why i can't understand why there are people who take off their protection and decide to drive one hundred percent manually. i don't understand why, since they were created with the idea that all participants of the movement would be safe" she rolled her eyes to emphasize her irritation. the brunet lightly laughed, then turned towards her and shook his head with that amused look.

"you know, shimotsuki, people see rules and law differently" he replied "as something that builds our society, ensures maximum quality of life. and some... some will see a cage in the rules, behind which something unknown awaits. something tempting that might be better than a utopian life". 

he breathed heavily, combed the unruly strands, then looked at her again. solemnity was reflected in the emerald irises; he had something mystical about him, something more mature than the average person, and his every word sounded like an ancient wisdom that had finally been revealed to the world. although for every other human they were probably obvious facts, something natural, mika found in his words signposts that were to lead her to a path that she had avoided all her life.

"and still others don't give a shit because they're just bad people" he suddenly laughed shortly, not hiding his amusement. "god, i really do sound like such a bore". 

but mika didn't say a word, only giving him a slight smile. to her he didn't sound like a bore; he hid something more in these apparently simple sentences. he unconsciously gave her advice, straightened a distorted and unfair worldview, helping to discover truths that she had rejected long ago without further reflection. and she simply liked to listen to him. gino usually had a pleasantly deep voice, and when he softened as they talked together, wrapped in unfathomable feelings, she just melted like cotton candy dipped in water. though it sounded so pathetic, perhaps it was her favorite sound. and mika wanted to listen to him even more often.

before she knew, the car pulled to a stop under the tower. they got out of the car in a strangely awkward silence; she didn't know what to say, how to sum up today's unexpected foray. there were so many emotions and words that she wanted to convey to him, to say, but none of them felt right. certainly, given the difference in their positions. 

she slammed the door behind her, then leaned her back against the vehicle. she crossed her arms over her chest, watching gino standing right in front of her. they were less than a meter apart, but neither of them could make any movement. they looked at each other silently, as if they wanted that one look to express all their tangled feelings for them. the winter wind danced between them, pierced to the marrow, caressed their cheeks flushed with an unpleasant coolness. and still they couldn't speak a word. only after a long moment nobuchika sighed, combing his hair in amusing embarrassment, then looked at her with a huge smile that was reflected in the green eyes and said softly.

"thank you for today, shimotsuki". 

he raised his hand as if to say goodbye to it, as if he dared to finally end their unusual foray. and was about to turn around, return to his solitude, but mika didn't let him do it. she felt an impulse. an impulse like a current flowing through her nerves, stimulating her to act. forcing to make a move.

in an instant she took a step forward, and then without hesitation she grabbed gino by the black tie, brazenly pulling it towards her. she saw his pupils dilate in surprise, how he began to breathe heavily, then she just burst her lips into his. she threw her arms around her neck, stood on her toes to level the cursed twenty-three centimeters, sinking thoughtlessly in this act of temptation. it was a narcotic, euphoric sensation; every cell that built it was a source of endorphins, completely overwhelming, depriving them of sanity.

and as soon as she felt ginoza return the kiss, how it grabs her tiny chin in her hands, a soft moan escaped from between her lips. she wanted to continue in this one moment without interruption; so shamelessly relish the taste of his mouth, the tempting scent that surrounded him and the warm touch that brings layers of relief. she knew it was forbidden, that she shouldn't allow it. that they could not exceed these imposed limits, but she couldn't stop. with each second, another touch and an act of affection, mika fell more and more into silent adoration and infatuation. she was sinking, she was going to the very bottom, drifting limply below the surface.

and when she realized the enormity of happiness, the outburst of euphoria she had experienced in such a small gesture died away. froze because she was already sure. certain that she must have fallen so hopelessly in love with this stupid enforcer.

and then her world collapsed a second time.


End file.
